Don't Want an Asychronous Relationship; Don't Want Your Crumbs


Back in the blogging saddle, having battled not only work overwhelmingness and birthday blues but also time-weather-change blues and general cat craziness.  (She's fine but not adjusting her internal clock at all.  Hello, 3 a.m. yowling.)

Perhaps one contributor to the blues was not hearing from Mr. Lehigh Valley since before Halloween, and not having any real prospects since.  I'd decided at the beginning of this past that I'd delete our texting from my phone, and then on the 15th (today, coincidentally) I'd delete his contact info.

Today I worked at my part-time job, and so I don't see my phone until lunchtime.  (Would rather not have it out on the library floor for the taking.)  And there on my phone was a "Hey how are things with u things ok here been busy with work" text from him!?

I don't want this random talk.  I don't even want an hour of rapid typing back and forth.  Do you realize how many more words you can say--ideas you can communicate--in the same amount of time?  He doesn't, apparently.  He either is really lazy or just really compartmentalized.  Like this guy who can give his high school girlfriend only "Eight Percent of My Love."  (You youngsters have no idea about the awesomeness that was Square One TV on PBS.)


"Hey how are things with u things ok here been busy with work"
 

Why say you really want to find love when you can't be bothered to put any effort into it?  Are you really going to get your best when you never give your best?



I mean, we're all "busy."  We thankfully have jobs, pets, friendships, chores, faith commitments, DVR'd television programs, etc. to take up our time.  

But if someone isn't willing to reframe and adjust his or her weekly routine to invest time in getting to know someone, how will a relationship ever find a way in?

I don't hear from you in more than a fortnight, and you're just gonna send me a barely coherent text with what I guess is an EXCUSE for not being able to TYPE ONE GARBLED SENTENCE sooner, just like you did last month on a Saturday morning while visiting your grandma?

Is it because seeing her, old and alone in a nursing home, being looked after by her children and grandchildren, reminds you that you should talk to a girl?  

"Hey how are things with u things ok here been busy with work"

What am I supposed to make of this?

. . .

I'm getting the sense I'm not worth very much to him.  Not beyond keeping me on the hook just to believe and tell others he's "talking to someone" from online dating.

I'm probably preaching to the choir here.  I'm probably a little more irritated than I thought I'd be, thanks to the PMS monster.  Or the increase in jewelry ads as the "holidays" approach.  And wondering how much the Thanksgiving dinner conversation will focus on Younger Sister's new house.

Maybe that'll just be a signal for me to get up from the table.

Nobody would notice, anyway!

    

 

Comments

Julia said…
Ugh. People these days! That text was indeed lame.
Mari T said…
Second the lame text comment. There really isn't any good reason for 2 weeks of silence. Sorry... it's disappointing.:-(
Kate P said…
Julia--that's a very good word for it. LAME.

Mari--exactly, what has been the holdup for two weeks? I'm disappointed, but I'm moving on. Thanks. :)
ccr in MA said…
That doesn't even count as communicating, really. It's not that there couldn't be any reason for the length of silence (though it would have to be a very good one indeed), but that? Is simply lame.

I'm glad to hear from you, anyway; I was on the verge of checking in with you. Hang in there.
Kate P said…
Thanks, CCR. I'm hanging in there. :) It's just So Much Stuff. But in a week and a half it'll be Thanksgiving, so, yay.
nightfly said…
Well, he self-selected very neatly, didn't he? Mr. Lehigh Valley flubbed it quite thoroughly.

It won't feel this way now, perhaps, but he likely saved you the trouble of an awkward conversation shortly after the holidays. Be well.
Meg Ann said…
um, I'm gonna kinda be the contrarian and just say that you might not totally write him off. that is to say, he might be saying that he's still interested but doesn't want to rush into anything. I think that there needs to be a naturalness to dating and getting to know someone and sometimes it can be healthiest to take things pretty slowly. I don't know all of the ins and outs of your contact with this guy, so this advice may be off, but just what I'm thinking. there may be some Christmas parties up around the corner that'd be a great context for the two of you to get to know each other better.
Kate P said…
He dropped off, Meg Ann. Phone calls that were an hour long, twice a week, lots of messages back and forth--dried up as soon as he got my cell number. There is a difference between deciding to take things slowly and holding someone at arm's length.

He got irritated at my lack of response, ironically.

I'm not saying I'd rush blindly into something, but when you're approaching 40 you try not to lose time by trying to play it cool. You like someone, say so. Act like it.
Kate P said…
I think he would have disappeared before the holidays, 'Fly--no gift dilemma. And then no New Year's obligation. Or--the horror of February!

Ugh. I think I just saw myself alone for the next few months. Pray for me.
Mari T said…
((Hugs)) Keep hope, Kate. You never know what tomorrow brings.
Kate P said…
Aw, thanks, Mari. You're really sweet.

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