An Attempt to Explain the Past Couple Months

Well, right after November's post, I wound up meeting the co-worker's chiropractor, falling in love too quickly, and getting my heart broken by his demands, lies, and childish games.  It was a lovely Christmas and I enjoyed not being alone, but right after that he showed a side of him that shows evidence of past hurts.  I can't be with a person who won't be a real grown-up and come out from behind his phone.  

I hate that I was so happy, and it showed.  Negative me feels as if the lesson was, "Never tell anyone you're happy."

Truly, though, I don't think there was so much of a lesson as more of a test.

Because I saw some codependent red flags and put the brakes on.  He gave too much, and I realized (afterwards) that he was giving so much to ensure that I could not refuse any request he made.  

That's not how dating works.

So, when I politely turned down a same-day request for a date, he became short with me and hung up on me.  Talked that night, thought we worked it out, he got angry again and hung up on me.  Next day, apologized and admitted he was drinking. I was too upset to talk--because I'd made him swear he had not been drinking and would never had tried to have a discussion--and the next morning, after texting me all night about himself and his needs, he told me via text it was over.  But then that afternoon he wanted to talk in person, I thought we worked it out, and then after I casually mentioned "my mom's not fond of you after all the hanging-up stuff," he accused me of badmouthing him and canceled our date. The next day, I found out from LibraryElf that he broke up with me on Facebook the day I refused him--in spite of his insistence that he hadn't been on Facebook.

I packed up his things that night.  All the gifts, things he'd left from being over here.  

Three days later, he texted me about getting his things back, then two hours later added, "check with your mom if it's ok." JERK.  I shipped them back the next day along with a printout of the email proving that the only thing I told my mom about our breakup (the day he texted it was over) was a basic description of his "being an a**hole" (his words not mine).  I wrote in pen on the printout, "This is all I said.  My mom drew her own conclusions. I hope someday you can trust a woman.  Please get help for your past hurts. You deserve a good future."

Is your head spinning yet?


The day he got his shipment was two Fridays ago.  He sent a text that morning: "You never fought for you." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?  Even YS, who never curses, was like, "Oh, EFF HIM."
He sent another text that afternoon (probably after he got his stuff) but I ignored it and planned to figure out how to block his number (as I had deleted his contact info) over the weekend--because I had signed on again to the trivia tournament/benefit I've played for several years now, this time with last year's team (returning champions, yeah!).  Had a blast.  Didn't notice the missed call from him and put off listening to the 4-minute voicemail, too.

Sat next to a guy who'd been across the table from me last year (therefore little interaction).  We had a lot of fun playing and talking together.  So when we won again (woooooo!!!) one of my longtime teammates encouraged me to come out for a celebratory drink and talk to him because she knew him.  Thought we'd get on well.  And we did talk quite a bit (yelled, over the mediocre cover band). He's funny, nice, smart (obviously) and interesting.

Before I headed out (I had to work at the library in about 7-8 hours), I told him, "Don't be a stranger"--he handed me his phone and asked me to type my number.

Now, before we all go imagining anything is gonna happen. . .  there is, in his words as we talked this weekend, a "decently notable age difference."  

As in, I might be too old for him.  He says it doesn't bother him and actually it's kind of a trend for generations in my family so it's not a big deal to me. Yet.  So long as he behaves like a grown-up.

I'm more concerned about the distance factor.  He lives in South Philly.  And like me he also has two jobs.  We have plans to meet up for drinks but other than which day, nothing officially planned.

Throw in the other complicating factors--I decided not to renew my lease and am moving don't-know-where-yet at the end of March, I auditioned and got into a chorus for a Gilbert & Sullivan production with rehearsals 2x/week--and I'm starting to ask myself, "What am I even DOING???"

Oh, and going back to the messages from the chiropractor?  
4PM: "I could be holding you right now."  (Excuse me!? You asked for your stuff back after not speaking to me for days and then took a shot at both me and my mom. Do you really think I want to be held by a messed-up liar?) He obviously wanted me to come over after school.  He assumed I was walking out the door when actually I was in a near-tears meeting with my principal.  More on that later.
11PM: Began with "I am very sorry for the way things turned out" and then devolved into what sounded like excuses for his bad behavior without any real admission of everything he'd done.  Also, an offer to "sit down" with my mom.  Yeah, you hurt one of her babies so probably not a good idea to come around right now.

At least his call gave me the ability to block his number.  I needed some peace.  He wouldn't put down the damn phone or do something more necessary with the phone--like make an appointment with a counselor or a priest.  His expectations for me to be more like a therapist and a spouse (example: text out of the blue, "Come hold me" What? Why?) when we're just getting to know each other were unrealistic and he can't seem to see that I am not responsible for his emotional well-being or even qualified to heal his hurts or teach coping skills.

I have enough on my plate as it is.

And the school district decided to require nearly all library assistants to travel for one day of the four-day cycle to help at a school whose assistant they didn't replace after retirement.  I have a full schedule and that school does not.  Sounds totally fair, right?  Oh, and the day they chose for my assistant to leave me is the day I have 30 sixth-graders in one class including several problem behavior students and one emotionally disturbed one who has been getting steadily worse for years.  That's what had me close to a nervous breakdown in my principal's office.

You probably can guess why I'm not blogging often.

I'm exhausted.

And Peep needs sooooo much attention.

She followed me into the bathroom!



ccr in MA said…
Oh, DEAR. I am so sorry for how that worked out. (Or rather, didn't work out.) It sounds like you have a ton on your plate, and I hope you will pace yourself, and not be too hard on yourself either. Being an adult, an actual adult adult, is not easy stuff.

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