The Clean-up Is On

I have decided I need to work on cleaning up my apartment (pre-packing), my work, and my personal life.

Time is one of the biggest challenges to cleaning up.

Right up there with it is my emotional/mental exhaustion from both work and personal things.  If you've been following along for the past, I don't know, year or so, you've seen a series of hurt and disappointments parading through my life and it is all I can do to be kind to myself and take time-outs just to keep myself going.

This past month, sixth grade has been particularly challenging to teach.  I have been yelled at, called racist (along with another teacher), and just plain sulked at by a bunch of immature kids who think they know everything and yet give up the second I give them challenging work that requires them to think.  As to the racist accusations? Honey, (A) let me show you my family albums and (B) if I were racist I sure as hell would not be a librarian in a public school or anywhere that dealt with the general population in any way, shape, or form.

And don't get me wrong, I know I'm an introvert but I am enjoying show practice and the people in the group. (Well, maybe except for the one soprano who doesn't read music and sings from distant memory a little off and always seems to be sitting too close to me.)  I even got an extra (little) role in the beginning of the show and I'm really honored and excited about that.  

But it's tiring to get home at 10:00 or later twice a week.
Even other nights when I'm not going to practice, sometimes I come home and I can't make a single new decision.  My brain is just fried.  It's not a good situation.

I also got knocked down with a stomach bug after visiting Godson #2 for his first birthday a couple weekends ago. (Worst party favor ever.)  Younger Sister announced she's expecting again and while I'm super happy for her, it's bittersweet for me--the only one in the family not giving our parents a grandchild this year.  I know no one else sees it that way (well, not explicitly but sometimes it's implied unintentionally), but I see how excited everyone is and it feels like a stab of failure that I can't get there.  I just see myself falling farther and farther behind everyone else in "the club."  The thing with the younger guy didn't go anywhere and I feel stupid for even having the slightest hope it would.  He didn't want to go outside of the city and I have too much going on on "school nights" to hike out there, nor should I be required to do all the traveling.  As a result, I decided to take a time out from actively seeking to date until after moving and at least the first round of shows.

Don't tell my BIL because he actually said some encouraging things during my visit, instead of his usual accusations that I'm too picky or too negative.  I did question him a bit as to the fact that he and YS met was that they both were invited to the same party.  No dating apps, no online matching, no setups, no bar scene or whatever.  I even prayed a novena to St. Therese.  No roses have appeared to date, so I feel fairly justified in just going about my usual life for a little while.  If something good were to develop in the meantime, I will welcome it, especially because I know more than a few people are pulling for me.

I feel as if I need some chunks of time to make my way through the mess.  Last weekend, I sat down and did a ton of paperwork.  Filed the local taxes, put in for medical reimbursements (why are those NOT able to be submitted electronically yet???).

This weekend, I straightened out my library account (thanks, stomach bug AND crabby co-worker who checked in my materials without a sympathetic ear).  With Mom's assistance, I trimmed Peep's claws.  I took out the recycling, paid the rest of the month's bills, and got a recipe going in the crockpot that uses up some meat from the freezer.

Peep is holding a vigil by the kitchen because she wants some!

And I made a phone call for help with a committee position I really have not been able to do for months.  It's not resolved yet, but I have hope I won't totally end up on the president's hit list.

Slowly, it will get done.  Tomorrow there is a big finale event connected with the reading club I've been coaching, so after that I will have more time freed up.  That will help somewhat.

Other than that, it's just eating the elephant one bite at a time, as a good friend says.

Sometimes that elephant needs a whole lot of seasoning to be appetizing, however. . .