Rite of Leaving Behind, Part I
Remember not the events of the past,
the things of long ago consider not;
see, I am doing something new!
Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? (Is. 14: 18-19)
I haven't talked about it, but something interesting happened to me a couple of weeks ago.
Via Jen, I have been reading a blog and following tweets by The Dating Optimist (a.k.a. Amy Spencer, a writer whose various articles you might have read in magazines and online) and reading her book. A tweet came up about entering a contest at ThreeDayRule to win a copy of her book and an hour of coaching.
Guess who won?
So, arrangements were made, and on a Wednesday after school, I sat on my couch on the East Coast and phoned Amy Spencer (uh, probably not on a couch) on the West Coast.
She asked me about my dating history. I confessed I hadn't been on a date in nearly two years, and that the last long term relationship I'd had, my only real one post-college, had ended in disaster--but had spared me a lifetime of disaster--nearly five years ago.
She asked me how far I'd gotten in her book. I told her I'd written my "Big Love List" (I know, it sounds cheesy, but it's actually awesome), and I read it to her. She told me I'd done well, but I confessed my doubts. That I just didn't feel as if I trusted my judgment anymore. That I felt as if wanted what I wanted to give and receive in a relationship wasn't justified. Wasn't possible. Not after I'd failed, big time.
In the end, that's what kept coming up. That big-time failure. That horrible break-up. All the pain, all the fallout. . . some of which still taints my daily life and makes me feel ashamed that I even waste a single thought about it. I think it's because I keep trying to find the reason things failed, so it doesn't happen ever again. But the bottom line is all that residual stuff is holding me back, and Amy knew it.
She suggested something that--again, like that "Big Love List"--sounded cheesy, but I agreed to do it. She probably had no idea of the logistics involved in carrying it out.
I had, and that's why I had to wait until tonight to do it.
the things of long ago consider not;
see, I am doing something new!
Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? (Is. 14: 18-19)
I haven't talked about it, but something interesting happened to me a couple of weeks ago.
Via Jen, I have been reading a blog and following tweets by The Dating Optimist (a.k.a. Amy Spencer, a writer whose various articles you might have read in magazines and online) and reading her book. A tweet came up about entering a contest at ThreeDayRule to win a copy of her book and an hour of coaching.
Guess who won?
So, arrangements were made, and on a Wednesday after school, I sat on my couch on the East Coast and phoned Amy Spencer (uh, probably not on a couch) on the West Coast.
She asked me about my dating history. I confessed I hadn't been on a date in nearly two years, and that the last long term relationship I'd had, my only real one post-college, had ended in disaster--but had spared me a lifetime of disaster--nearly five years ago.
She asked me how far I'd gotten in her book. I told her I'd written my "Big Love List" (I know, it sounds cheesy, but it's actually awesome), and I read it to her. She told me I'd done well, but I confessed my doubts. That I just didn't feel as if I trusted my judgment anymore. That I felt as if wanted what I wanted to give and receive in a relationship wasn't justified. Wasn't possible. Not after I'd failed, big time.
In the end, that's what kept coming up. That big-time failure. That horrible break-up. All the pain, all the fallout. . . some of which still taints my daily life and makes me feel ashamed that I even waste a single thought about it. I think it's because I keep trying to find the reason things failed, so it doesn't happen ever again. But the bottom line is all that residual stuff is holding me back, and Amy knew it.
She suggested something that--again, like that "Big Love List"--sounded cheesy, but I agreed to do it. She probably had no idea of the logistics involved in carrying it out.
I had, and that's why I had to wait until tonight to do it.
Comments
And I'm pretty sure there's a drinking game for everything. With as many predictable stereotypes as Titanic has though, the problem is one of limits.
CCR--I hooked ya, heh heh heh.
MM--Hi! It's waiting for you. . .
Angela--glad you are enjoying it!