Snappy Comebacks I Never Gave (but Really, Really Wanted to)
Other people's comments are real and they are not being portrayed by actors. Mostly for budgetary reasons.
Scene 1: Last week, at a faculty workshop day, after having been subjected to a disturbing class about handling suspicions that your students might be abused, we get lunch. It's not an allergy-friendly lunch. Did I mention I also gave up soda for Lent? I pick up a couple items that are safe and grab an open seat at a table, where my plate immediately gets a look-over.
Co-worker: Is that all you're having for lunch?
Me: That's right, Fritos and fruit. I'm on the F-word diet. Would you like to hear some other F-words?
Scene 2: This morning. I am starting the day in panic mode, because I have a major event for almost two dozen students taking place next week and there's a ton of stuff to do. On top of the book order that's still not settled, the receipts and invoices I have to submit, lessons to assemble, and forgetful sixth-graders to reschedule. My co-librarian is just as frantic with similar items and last-minute projects' popping up with the younger grades.
A supervisor comes through--presumably to look over plans and maybe visit our restroom--and pops her head in our doorway to deliver a back-handed compliment.
Supervisor: So good to see everyone working hard today!
Me: Um, when have you stopped by and seen us not working hard? Was it that two minutes I stopped to pour myself some coffee and actually took a sip while it was still hot? Darn! I knew I never should've thought I was entitled to that!
Scene 1: Last week, at a faculty workshop day, after having been subjected to a disturbing class about handling suspicions that your students might be abused, we get lunch. It's not an allergy-friendly lunch. Did I mention I also gave up soda for Lent? I pick up a couple items that are safe and grab an open seat at a table, where my plate immediately gets a look-over.
Co-worker: Is that all you're having for lunch?
Me: That's right, Fritos and fruit. I'm on the F-word diet. Would you like to hear some other F-words?
Scene 2: This morning. I am starting the day in panic mode, because I have a major event for almost two dozen students taking place next week and there's a ton of stuff to do. On top of the book order that's still not settled, the receipts and invoices I have to submit, lessons to assemble, and forgetful sixth-graders to reschedule. My co-librarian is just as frantic with similar items and last-minute projects' popping up with the younger grades.
A supervisor comes through--presumably to look over plans and maybe visit our restroom--and pops her head in our doorway to deliver a back-handed compliment.
Supervisor: So good to see everyone working hard today!
Me: Um, when have you stopped by and seen us not working hard? Was it that two minutes I stopped to pour myself some coffee and actually took a sip while it was still hot? Darn! I knew I never should've thought I was entitled to that!
Comments
ITA that sometimes people just can't stop themselves before they say something (like "today" in your example). . . My chiropractor likes to say to her husband, "You have three seconds to take that back."
"Withdrawn!"
Angela--My mom laughed when I told her about the F-words diet, too! Hmm, that means I can have filet mignon and fudge, too, right?
People like you who try to remember to act like a lady and like me trying really hard to keep my diplomatic filter on at all times--we're the ones who end up ticked off. Doesn't seem fair!
Dave--I think the delay on the comebacks is a kind of self-preservation mechanism, a good thing. . . of course, some days I'm just grateful I can keep my smart mouth shut in the moment.