Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers

O.K., so I have been lurking at a few "single Catholic gal" blogs for several months now, and I thought I'd start joining in by linking up in their "Not Alone Series" which is hosted by two very nice bloggers, Jen and Morgan.

Their theme for this past week was Deal Breakers, and by coincidence I ran into one of mine when one of my many Older Patron Fans at the public library offered to fix me up with one of her kids.

What I didn't mention was that she was Jewish.  Not surprising to me because she said she used to live in my hometown which has a huge Jewish population.  But interesting that she still wanted to set me up without asking first if I was Jewish. Maybe it didn't matter. Which is very cool.

I didn't have a problem with her son's not being Catholic.  (Especially when I am about to gain a non-Catholic brother-in-law, who am I to say where a person can or cannot find love?)  Sure, a difference of religion will not be easy to manage in a relationship and a marriage, but it doesn't spell doom.

Not being into religion at all, or having a real problem with it, would be a deal breaker for me.  Even if at the outset he said, "Yeah, I don't really get it, but you go ahead and believe what you want," a discomfort and/or resentment can grow, on both sides.  It creates a separation.  My faith informs my way of life, so if you don't get why I am the way I am, or why I do the things I do, that's a problem.  Plus I would get tired of attending religious events alone all the time. Especially if I had to take the children. 

Which brings me to another deal breaker.  As I said in my previous post, the older patron lady told me her son didn't want children.  I'm not sure if I understood because she was rambling so fast but she might have been telling me it had broken up his marriage (!) and the ex-wife had remarried and had kids now.  Unless she was talking about a daughter.  It was confusing.  But anyway, I told her I was a solid Catholic girl, so oh well.

Look, even if I get married ten years from now and can't bear children, I will be open to children.  And sure, I don't know if it will be feasible to adopt or foster for us, but the openness has to be there.  At the very least, I've got four nephews (a godson among them now) and a niece counting on it.  I work with children on a daily basis, for pete's sake.  

And along the same lines, not to offend anyone and I promise I am not judging because it's a private matter, but wanting to use contraception would be a deal breaker for me.  The one ex-boyfriend started getting very interested when he heard a rumor that the Vatican was contemplating allowing condom use to prevent the spread of HIV in Africa.  (Never happened.)  

I don't know what he thought that would mean for us who live in North America, but it gave me pause.  It's just not in keeping with how I feel about my health and my relationship with my husband.  I'm glad I didn't marry him because he seemed to believe children would steal my love from him and we'd all use up his hard-earned money.  I'm serious.  (Hilarious side note, he's married now and has children. I can only hope that he found someone who helped him deal with all those money, love, and sex hang-ups, but I wasn't going to compromise my values.)

If I may expand on that previous deal breaker, I think just looking for loopholes to suit yourself is a deal breaker.  I have a strong love of justice (hellooo, LIBRA) and I think letting stuff slide because it's not convenient to your lifestyle isn't cool.  I'm not talking about just the big stuff, either.  You shouldn't "borrow" the WiFi from your neighbors because they were "dumb enough" to leave it unlocked and "deserve" to have others use it without paying.  Or leave work fifteen minutes early on a regular basis because no one notices (or you THINK no one notices).  That kind of thing.  I just don't go for that.

All righty, then--I hope this piece came off more as a reflection of who I am and what I need, and not as a big judgmental piece.  Oh, and one final thing: If you don't have a soft spot for cartoons (not that you have to be a full-on brony), forget it!

I mean, some of the cleverest things and greatest pieces of wisdom are found in cartoons.  Right? 


ccr in MA said…
My deal breakers are different, but I have them, and so should anyone. I've gotten grief for at least one before, but I don't feel the need to compromise on a few things, and I won't apologize for that. Nor should you have to.

And yes, cartoons rock!
Nej said…
Hey Kate! I just saw that you had linked up! :)

WELCOME! Thanks for joining us! You have some great thoughts here, and seem to be on the same page as everyone else. We are devout Catholic women, looking for devout Catholic men who love the Lord, the Church and everything that that entails! :) And there is nothing wrong with that!

I hope you will continue to join us!
Meg Ann said…
just discovered your blog, have enjoyed reading! yeah, I agree that using contraception is a deal-breaker. On so many levels (physical, spiritual, longevity of marriage) the consequences of using contraception are grave. Of course in this culture, including among many many Catholics this view is seen as neanderthal, which means foregoing a lot of potential relationships with men. Guess that it goes back to the Gospel quote "what does it profit a man to gain the whole world if he should suffer the loss of his soul."
Kate P said…
I really appreciate the comments, ladies! Planning to get back to posting more regularly soon.

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