My Theme Word for 2015
Can you believe we're already a month into 2015? I can't.
Probably because I've been dealing with ridiculous, incorrectly-predicted winter weather, not to mention an all-nighter in the ER last week.
Yeah, four years without a problem, and I got blindsided. I'm so angry about it I can't even discuss it further. Except to say that once more I feel betrayed by my body and I hate having my flaws, if you will, exposed. (Because you have to admit them to SO MANY: your friends, your parents, your new boss, your new boyfriend.)
But that's a pretty good segue into my theme word for 2015, actually. You might recall that last year was my first time selecting a word and I think that Confidence worked out pretty well. (If I do say so myself.)
This year's word?
My brain had been churning the idea of choosing a new word on New Year's Eve, considering how everywhere I looked I saw/read/heard stuff about making resolutions (which I have stopped doing).
But it wasn't until I was out on Date #2 with Chef that it really crystallized for me, without my realizing it. Our perky server (a teacher, naturally), was asking out of friendliness I'm sure and it just rolled right off my tongue.
"I don't make resolutions, but I choose a word for the year."
She was intrigued and asked if I had picked one yet.
"I think it's gonna be trust," I said without even a pause. She was impressed. I think I surprised Chef a bit, too.
It's going to be a challenge, I know that much.
Right now, I'm in a new job that I'm still learning and don't know what will become of it at the end of the school year (just passed the halfway point this week, BTW). I'm in a new relationship and it feels so vulnerable to say I have a health concern I deal with every day. (Some people really consider things when they're looking at a future with someone who could get sick from time to time.) So I have to trust he won't run.
And I'm totally annoyed with said health concern right now because I thought I was doing all the right things to keep it at bay. I don't trust it to calm down and stay calm for a long while. Maybe it won't be four years again but four months.
But I have to trust.
I'm about to go to my first get-together with Chef's family. I've already spent time with his parents (see Date #2 and they remember me anyway) but his younger brother doesn't remember me and his cousins are dying to meet me.
I'm anxious. I don't feel 100% right now with all the antibiotics making me queasy and I'm back on the effing low-fiber diet I hated so much in 2010 that doesn't really offer all the healthy choices I usually enjoy. I'm not wearing the jeans I'd rather be wearing because with the stomach upset it's hard to get them buttoned. (Ugh.) But I have to trust that the way I'm feeling is temporary, that things will get better. . . and honestly, who wouldn't love meeting me?
I have to trust in the confidence I built up in 2014.