If You've Been Keeping Track This Year. . .

. . . I got my third rejection (first, second) yesterday.

This must be timed so that Younger Sister is always coming in for the weekend and can cheer me up.  I think I am too disappointed to cry, and also a bit angry.  I just feel stuck and pigeonholed--the longer I spend in this job, the less I qualify for anything else.  I don't have money or time to "train for the job I want"--heck, I'm not sure I even know what IS the job I want anymore.  

All I know is that when I signed up for school, I was promised there were so many jobs going to be opening up because of all the retirements, and I was encouraged because I was pretty adept with technology and instructing people.  Then the economy tanked, and I wound up underemployed and underpaid.  And every single time I apply for a job now, I'm edged out by someone with just a little more experience, just a slightly different "set of skills."

One thing I did decide before I called to hear my "No"--if it was a "No," then I was going to contact my mentors and let them know I was struggling.  I may or may not get a response right away because I know they're busy, but I think they are the kind of people who will respond.  I'm not looking for a handout.  I'm not looking to vent.  I am looking to get in gear in my field and use the degree I worked my ass off to achieve.  And as a teeny-tiny up side to the rejection, at least I made contact with another librarian (she was with another school in the district and sat in on the second screening) who is very active in the one professional organization to which I belong.  I am hopeful she is interested in helping me get more involved--at least give me some direction.

However, on the other side of this decision lurks the thought that maybe I should just forget it all and try going back to being an overeducated office assistant so at least I can pay my rent when it inevitably goes up in April.  (Moving back in with my parents is not an option for many reasons).  And I still dream of going back to writing and finishing all those stories I've started long ago.  

I have a little bit of time to figure out where I'm going with all this, but not long, so I am going to give myself about two days to try to enjoy myself this weekend while Younger Sister is here and we're celebrating family birthdays.

It just that I was hoping a better job/financial situation was going to be my birthday present.