Attempt #1--Foiled!

Apparently it's a bad idea to try getting anywhere near the Apple store to purchase a (saved-up-for-since-last-Christmas) iPod after 3 p.m. The place was jam-packed. Fire code violation packed. Darnit. I think I'll have to go earlier in the day. I had planned to go earlier in the day, but I wound up having to be someplace at 2:00 and that place was on the way to the mall.

I did, however, score my hard to find mascara--usually it's sold out online and I got the last one in the store. Not to mention two lipsticks for less than the price of one at CVS on the way home. (This concludes the girly-girl part of the post.)

Oddly enough, I heard through a friend that he'd heard the Ex had "been through a lot of drama" in the past year--situations similar to stuff he'd claimed he was "uncomfortable" (read: judgmental) with when it had come up involving people close to me. And I got the whole guilt-by-association thing as a result. My friend made a comment to the effect of "Good thing you didn't have to deal with that," and while I explained the irony of the whole "uncomfortable" thing, and that I still am relieved he's not in my life anymore (and somebody else's problem now). . . I still don't think it's a picnic being single, at my age.

I'm not going to whine about it, and I'm certainly not going to pick the guy lurking around the next corner just to be in a relationship--but I still have this fear that in spite of whatever absurd drama is going on with him, people still look at him and think he's superior to me because of his marital status. (And probably that he's some sort of freaking martyr now.) I know, I know--I really have to stop caring about what other people think of me. Been working on that for as long as I can remember. What probably stops me is that I have experienced being treated poorly because of what people think of me. Maybe it's my pride, or just some hurt that won't resolve, but I just want to do as much as I can to prevent being treated so poorly ever again.

Ha. As if I have any control over (a) what people think of me, or (b) how people treat me. I just can't wait for the day I finally find that place where I fit in, or at least have a few cool people on my side. I think finding that job might help.

Gotta get going on that resume', I guess.


Amy Giglio said…
It's hard to get to a place where you stop feeling bad when you get hurt by others or you stop caring what others think. I'm not sure that human beings ever really get there at all.

For me it comes down to to whom, at the end of the day, at the end of my life, do I owe an explanation? To whom do I ultimately report? It's not stupid exes or friends, or family, or even my husband or my kids (Or my kids' future shrinks). It's the Lord. All you or I can do is our best to do His will and to repent when we fall- to enter through the narrow gate. And when you keep that in mind, you get a lot of perspective.
nightfly said…
Hey, some of us uncool sorts think that you're nifty.
Maggie May said…
Awww...sorry about your failed iPod quest. I hope the next one turns out to be successful.

I don't know how you stop worrying about what others think. I do that too.

But may I second what Nightfly said...some of us really do think you're great!
Kate P said…
Amy--excellent points there, and definitely reminding me of the Big Picture. It may sound weird, but I think I also worry that people look at me and say, "She believes in God and look at how crappy her life is--I'm better off without God." But then again, that's a trap if you think God's favor equals prosperity, huh? I'm a little too anxious about pleasing the Lord sometimes, too, I guess.

'Fly--oh, thank you. For the record, you ARE cool. I'm just too far away from the cool people who think I'm "nifty."

MM--You are very sweet. I was so looking forward to getting the iPod!

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