Home Again for the Friday Five

It's been an interesting day and a half--up to North Jersey and back, with my mom, to visit my aunt (the sister who is the next one up from the aunt who harps on my love life) and uncle (her husband), and my grandfather. To sum up my time there, here are five crazy things I either said or thought to myself during the trip:

1. Why do all the drivers coming out of the tollgates on the Garden State Parkway look right through me like Stepford people and won't let me merge? (Maybe they're annoyed about the stupid 25-cent toll?)

2. What is up with Pop-Pop's white knight syndrome? (I got to hear several times how my twice-widowed grandfather wants to marry his twice-divorced former physical therapy gal. She is younger than my youngest aunt. He doesn't think a 20+ year age difference matters. . . or that she has said NO, more than once, to his crazy ideas. All that matters is that he doesn't like waking up alone and that by reason of his going to Mass daily he is automatically better than her ex-husbands and therefore perfect for her. Sigh.)

3. I am going to turn her on her side and bungee cord her to the mattress in that position. (I decided against that and at 2:30 a.m. left my loudly snoring mom alone in the guest bedroom as I exiled myself to the LR couch for the next three or so hours.)

4. Maybe if Uncle M. weren't colorblind he would've redone the wallpaper and flooring years ago. (The kitchen is pretty much the last room in need of the nice renovations they've done to the rest of the house. My aunt has great taste and my uncle is a great contractor. My mom laughed and shared my comment with my aunt. . . whereupon my aunt said she picked the floor to go with the wallpaper, with my grandmother, years ago. Oops. She wasn't offended, thankfully. That said, my grandmother will be gone 20 years about a year from now so you can just imagine these are kinda "bold" designs. Involving lots of yellow. It's the only kitchen I can recall so they might be closer to 30 in age!)

5. Why is everything in Bergen County so complicated? (All I wanted to ease my headache was a fountain Diet Coke. There are no Wawas, no 7-Elevens, no real convenience stores in the vicinity of the on-ramp we were taking to the Garden State Parkway. Finally found a pizza place, parked on a side street, and walked over. They had fountain Diet Coke but the counter boy discovered the syrup was out of regular Coke for my mom. Picture me running across a busy/back-up avenue at almost 3:30 p.m. on a Friday in the summer, laden with a full cup of Diet Coke, a cup of ice, a can of Coke, and straws. While Mom enjoyed a satisfying smoke. In my car.)

Number three is the reason I am headed to bed right now. It's good to be home.


Lizzie said…
Whew! Sounds like quite the trip. The internets missed you. :)
Mr. Bingley said…
Hehe, all of those are reasons why I try and keep all relatives at least 1000 miles away at all times.
Kate P said…
Liz--you said it! I don't know how people make "real" trips of actual distance. . .

Bingley--I should be at least 1000 miles from where my mom is sleeping, in any event. She blamed it on the strawberry daquiris, skirt steak, and peach pie. I don't know.

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