Post Class Discussion Board Blowup Fallout

I woke up in the same position in which I'd gone to sleep, save having shifted over to the middle of the bed as the result of the cat's new cold weather habit of hogging my side of the bed. Dragged myself out of bed and got ready for school--I had to look good for my I.D. picture which was being taken this afternoon, and I wasn't feeling it. During the drive to school, I tried to tell myself I could compartmentalize it, shove it in a corner of my mind and just ignore it for a while. But my mentor librarian (Ms. K.) asked me if I'd gotten more sleep (because the game had been postponed) and it all just came out. I sniffled but I didn't cry. She came over to where I'd been loading up books on the book truck and patted me on the shoulder. (She's known me since I was a teenager because she's my parents' neighbor.) She said if I wanted to borrow her computer to see if I'd gotten any response to my angsty comments last night, I could.

When I logged in to get my school e-mail, I saw that everyone in the class got an e-mail from Prof- I mean, Dr. D., asking for our phone numbers and a good time to call so she can "check in" with us this week. I replied with my info, but figured I shouldn't hold my breath for the phone call anytime before Saturday. Then I left it and got back into the school stuff.

Most of the students seem pretty welcoming towards me, so that's good. One kid definitely hates me because I asked her to stop massaging her (male) classmate's back while they were listening to Ms. K. read a story. I was sitting at the back of the group and saw it start up, but I ignored it in hopes it was just a quick gesture. When out of the corner of my eye I saw it continuing, with both of them stealing glances at me (i.e. "we're doing something we're not supposed to, and we know it; do you know it?"), I had to break it up. I'm O.K. with the occasional hug, pat, hand-holding (although it's usually girls and their BFFs), and heaven knows what actually is allowed at school, but that was kind of icky.

I tutored second grade kids in Math this afternoon--"tens and ones." Apparently, every Wednesday a class comes in while their teacher attends something, and the library has to "babysit" them while they do worksheets. (This doesn't exactly sit well with me.) And darn these kids were needy. Not to mention pushy while you're trying to help somebody else. But I did see some of them catch on and that's always enjoyable. Still, I was relieved when it was time for me to cut out and drive to the high school to hand in my clearances and get a photo I.D. I got my coat and my purse, and told the assistant I was heading out.

When I started for the door, one of the students I'd been helping--a little thing with a mane of pale blond hair--came over to me. "Thank you for helping me with my math," she said.

That was a pretty good consolation. Until I saw how puffy my face looked in the stupid photo I.D., probably from a near-tearful phone conversation with Mom about school absurdity and loans during the drive over. My hair, however, looks rather nice. Also in the photo I'm wearing the scarf Dr. Red gave me. I can live with the photo.

Still trying to live with the frustration.


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