I'm Going to Admit It

I entered the school media specialist program with the idea of becoming an elementary school librarian. Whenever I had observations or analyses to do for my courses, I came to the library where I'm currently student teaching. Now that I'm there every day, and doing student teaching--not to mention coming in with an intensive six weeks of experience--I'm seeing things from a completely different perspective.

I feel a bit stifled by the fixed schedule. I am really frustrated with how much time I spend managing students' behavior. I resent being told afterwards that there are two, three, four special needs students in the class, and I'm not sure how I feel about the way these students are integrated (or attempted to be) with the general grade levels. Very often I come home with a headache--which could be from stress in general and may or may not be aggravated by the building and the commute, but still. . .

I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that most likely a higher academic level suits me better as a teacher-librarian.

And you know what? That feels O.K. More than O.K., actually. It's kind of a relief to find where I fit in.

I just hope there's a job out there for me.


Amy Giglio said…
embrace the high schoolers!!!!

You know, I feel sort of the same way. when i have to help out by subbing in a lower grade class in CCD (k-5) I feel like it's a bit like babysitting, not teaching. It's a gift that certian popele have, dealing with young ones, and others have a gift for teens and pre-teens.

It's good that you've realized before you got a job in an ES that it's not really where you want to be. Good thing you get the field experience, eh?
Kate P said…
Mind-blowing, Amy. The field experience has taught me (and is teaching me) so, so much I can hardly process it all.
Dave E. said…
That's good that your field experience is helping to guide you. My youngest sister is now into her second year teaching science in a middle school in Brooklyn. She had the chance to work with both high school and middle school students as part of her field experience and decided she was more comfortable and connected better with middle school students. She's really happy now that she listened to her heart and went that direction. YMMV of course, just saying.

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