3/13/2009

Blocked.

I have to apologize; haven't felt completely like myself these last couple days. I even "took the day off" yesterday and went to the movies--told no one but my sister via text: "I'm the only one in the movie theater." I think she was amused. (Shopaholic was nothing like the books, but the cast was incredible--nice to see Gia Goodman again!)

I am being taught a lesson in humility, and having another opportunity to forget worrying about what other people think of me, as I got the first look at the picture my supervisor took of me to submit to the local papers to run with the article I wrote this week. Lopsided (unconvincing) smile, hair sticking out, frown lines between my eyes. (We'd just gotten out of three hours of interviews with prospective candidates for the top position at the library and I'd had a splitting headache.)

It doesn't look like me, and I can't believe she didn't see that. Or is that what I look like to her, all the time?

The worst part is, my first thought was that I don't want that picture/article to get into the hands of any of my ex-friends in the area. My ex-boyfriend and his family are pros at trashing people--I should know; I'd be sitting there while they did it post-Mass or post-family party. Between them and my ex-roommate, my reputation was soundly beaten a few years back, and unfortunately, trying to redeem and/or salvage what's left has stuck with me.

Ultimately, to put it in perspective tonight, I thought of two things:

1. Hardly anybody buys the local papers anymore--that probably goes double for the, uh, ultrafrugal people I used to know.

2. At least I'm being depicted in the profession I have chosen. Politics aside, I love being a librarian.

All this to say, "I'm sorry; I couldn't come up with an idea for my Friday Five this week. Uh. . . would it make you feel better if I told you I got to pet my co-worker's sweet little beagle at the library today? She's really cute!"

Let's celebrate the close of a very odd week, shall we?

UPDATE 3/15/2009: My mentor, who lives next door to my parents, brought over a copy of the article from the local paper. It cleared up which article it actually was (it was the one from a couple weeks ago, the whole "here's our new YA librarian but I'm still involved" thing), and also that the picture doesn't look too bad. The half-hearted smile still annoys me, but the picture's not much bigger than the size of a postage stamp, and it's B&W, so I look less haggard. Phew.



4 comments:

Mr. Bingley said...

yes, a pox on the past week.

and a particularly noxious pox on any ex-anyone who trashes.

Amy Giglio said...

I'm convinced that people trash talk others only to make themselves feel better. So, one needs to pray for those types. The benefit for you from those round the table gossip fests was that it gave you some good insight into your ex's family and some perspective on what you're not missing now not having married him.

Lindsay said...

Wow. I applaud you for going to the movies by yourself. I've always been too afraid to do so, and I often have difficulty finding someone to do so! Sigh.

As for the picture, I'm sure she doesn't see you like that all the time. If anything, I'm sure that maybe she was just afraid to suggest that you looked less than marvelous in the picture for fear of insulting you.

Kate P said...

Bingley--excellent use of a pox, if ever I saw.

Amy--you're right. Also, it's something I don't think of to do much, but what better time than Lent to pray that way. Thanks for the good idea.

Lindsay--hey, I saw "Twilight" by myself, too! Once you go the first time, it's not so bad. Growing up, I had a senior (widowed) next door neighbor who went by herself all the time, so I guess I was already desensitized. And you may be on the right track about my supervisor--I'm thinking she doesn't pay attention to much of anything and figured the picture was good enough, whatever.