The wickedly funny and smart-as-a-whip Nina, recipient of an award for having an excellent blog, was kind enough to give this little blog a mention. That's one of the nicest things that's happened to me this week, especially because it didn't involve snot.
Seriously, though, I feel as if I have some good posts churning, only I can't seem to tap them right now. I've got a bit of a "dark cloud" thing going on, in case readers can't tell. I've heard depression defined as "anger turned inward," and while I don't think I have a full-blown case (for once), the phenomenon of one frustration after another for the past few weeks has started to get to me. I'm still trying to unpack and adjust to my classes. They're not at all what I expected, and I was hoping that having two classes instead of three would free me up a bit more, but that hasn't happened, at least not yet. A friend recently disappointed me--an ongoing betrayal, really, and I'm not sure what to do about that. And the car. I'm pretty sick of dealing with the car.
I'm fairly sure this is temporary; it's just a matter of coping and getting through it. I really do feel as if things are about to change for the better--I just have to be patient. It's my one major failing; patience is a difficult thing for me to put into practice. I've been really tempted at times to despair of achieving the things I've dreamed of accomplishing for a long time, and that's wrong.
A few years ago, there was a wonderful elderly priest who used to help out at our parish. Physically, he was frail, but he had a strength in his voice that surprised us all. He also spoke very eloquently, but without any air of superiority. One time I asked him about despair, and among the words he used to counsel me, he said very firmly, "Despair is from the devil." And really, it is. It is the opposite of hope (one of the cardinal virtues). So I'm trying to cultivate hope right now.
And, because Nina spread some linky love to me, I want to thank her. It's not easy being single and still trying to build a support system (not even a "best girlfriend" in the vicinity--why don't more of my cool internet friends live around here?), and some days the need to love and be loved is just really overwhelming for me. I'm probably not alone in that feeling. So in response to that love, and that honor, I'm asking readers to stay tuned. (And spare a prayer/positive thought or two, if so inclined.) I hope to post some things worthy of being termed "excellent" once more, in the near future.