My Quotable Family

I was at my parents' after work because I was going to interview my mentor-of-sorts, who lives next door to my parents, this evening. So after dinner (penne and sausage, yum), I went next door and did my interview.

While I was over there, my aunt (as in My Maiden Aunt) stopped by my parents'. I could hear her feisty laughter as I walked in the back door and into my parents' tv room. She always has stories to tell when she does long-term substitute teaching (music). This time around it's at a high school.

"Where was I? Oh, yes--so, we're having our auditions for Beauty and the Beast, and this girl C. is auditioning for the part of Belle. Honestly, I didn't know what to say at first. She's a good kid, it's just that, well, for starters she has a tongue piercing. But it doesn't stop there. Her two front teeth are missing!"

Holy cow, we all said.

"I know, right? So this is a serious issue for singing, you know, S's and D's and T's. This is for the lead role. I had to ask the obvious question. 'You do know you don't have any front teeth, right?' And she says, 'When I got my braces off, the two front ones were wiggly, but I didn't think anything was wrong.'
'C., honey,' I said, 'how long ago was this?' 'Eight months,' she says to me. 'Are you going to get them fixed?' I asked, but she didn't have an answer for me. I don't get it--her parents are loaded."

We're all kind of wondering if her parents pay any sort of attention to her at all.
My aunt goes on, "Oh, and did I mention--and I'm not exaggerating here--she's about 100 pounds overweight? Right, so we're going to have a pierced, toothless, obese Belle."

God forgive us, we all lost it right there.

I think that's going to be the running joke for the entire weekend.

UPDATE 5/24/2008: I got a little more background from my mom, and this was not one of her school students but rather a former voice student from her private practice, who was back in touch with her and (I'm guessing) auditioning for college or community theater. But still--jeez, what happened?


Lizzie said…
That is AWESOME. I thought it was hilarious and *then* I got to the punch line. Hahahaha. The mental image I have is way chuckle-worthy.
Mr. Bingley said…
Well, I guess we know where all those baguettes went...
Ashley said…

That's all.

Your aunt sounds like a funny woman.
Kate P said…
Lizzie--we were alternating between disbelief and laughter the whole time she's telling us the story. These things only happen to her, it seems!

Bingley--only the very soft baguettes, I would think.

Ashley--lemme put it this way: when she's happy she's hilarious; when she's having one of her neurotic fits, duck and cover. Way moody. But I guess things are going well with the boyfriend and the whole family is grateful for that.

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